Gratitude and Self-Love are the best antidote to judging yourself

Gratitude and Self-Love are the best antidote to judging yourself


Can I ask you something? It's a simple question but one that will yield enormous insight into our own individual journeys. How to embrace self-love? Why are we so hard on ourselves? It's crazy – we criticise, belittle and mock ourselves for the littlest mistakes we make, how we look, or even for the things we've done right. I'm positive that by acknowledging this, every single person reading this post just smiled to themselves as they thought of an occasion from their own lives when they were self-judging. There is no need for it, yet we still do it? In this post I'm talking about how as women we are constantly judging ourselves and aiming for perfection to the detriment of living life to the full.

I was listening to a comedian called Tom Papa on TikTok (yes I'm on Tiktok!) what he said really resonated with me. He talked about how men have an incredible amount of self-esteem and self confidence.

"built absolutely on nothing, as awful as we are, every guy thinks everyone wants him all the time" and women are filled with self-doubt!

  • Do I look fat?
  • Do I look old?
  • I hate my hair
  • I hate my eyes


I couldn't stop laughing but also relate to it, why are we so harsh on ourselves? Think about it for a minute or two. In this post I invite you to let go of the negative comments to enjoy your life to the full and no I haven't got anything against men and admire their self confidence.

I know that often these negatives thoughts don't come out of the blue as women we are constantly under pressure to look perfect, celebrities and social media don't make the job easier. But it's also an unattainable ideal. In my latest fine art photography project called The Domestic Goddess I wanted to share a message about the constant rush for perfection. We have been living under unattainable standards for far too long. Even if you look like you have all the confidence in the world it doesn't stop you from feeling judged and vulnerable. I love Madonna as a role model but can't believe how far she went with her image trying to chase eternal youth. Being on the wrong side of ageing I understand how she must feel but wouldn't changing her way her thinking helped her better? I guess there might be too much at stake to give up but still. I know that's not for me to answer. But the question has been raised.

When these self judging thoughts overtake your mind Understand that you have the power to change the situation

Often we are on a self judgement whirlpool because we feel tired, angry, frustrated and its just too easy to step into a negative mindset because you don't know how to express your anger or how to come out of a frustrating situation. So what you do, you turn all the anger against yourself but it will not help will it?

What I'm trying to say here is that often when we feel bad about ourselves, thinking we need to loose weight, asking ourselves do I look old? There's something else at stake and it's helpful to understand the triggers for it. Learning to let go of the idea of perfection, embracing who you are and how grateful you are for everything in your life is the best deterrent to self judgement and constantly not feeling enough.


Understand that often these negative thoughts come from a lack of self-love. Would you ever talk like this to your best friend? Let me tell you, you wouldn't! Why not start treating yourself like your best friend. Learn to praise yourself instead of judging what you didn't do, or did wrong or what else!

Self-esteem my friend has nothing to do with your wealth, your job status, how beautiful you look, how many followers you have on Instagram, but everything to do with the love inside you.

Yes! I mean the love you have for yourself, when you stop trying to build your self-esteem from outside validation you will want to nurture yourself with respect, give yourself a rest from the rat race and embrace everything that comes from the heart and I’m not asking you to quit your job or else.

Once you understand that self-esteem is personal love, your attitudes will change in your every aspect of your life, even your job, you will attract different people, your energy will change because you will exude inner confidence.

Now if you feel that you’re not capable of loving yourself, you might need the help of a therapist, but I assume that you’ve already been through therapy, have read tonnes of self-help books, and you did great! The only element that was missing was “I am enough” whatever happens, I’m doing great, continue build inner strength and love from the inside out, try and see how people behave differently around you.

It might take a little time to get there but cultivate the thoughts, do some morning rituals, 5-10 minutes meditation, morning affirmation, journal about your progress, and relax about what others think about you. There’s only one like you, you deserve all the love you can get, love yourself first.

As women we are always striving for perfection, that elusive goal of being a 'perfect human'. In reality we are human beings, there is no such thing as perfection. And in the drive towards this ideal figure and lifestyle, we often forget to be grateful for all that we have achieved despite our imperfections.

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